Inner Demons Swirling Inside the Mirror
by CuteVampireCollie
Summary: Zero gets in an accident, unable to completely wake and can't reach Kaname through their mental connection, causing him to freak out and making his pain get worse. Kaname's worried that Zero won't wake up because he's badly injured and mentally unreachable. Pain can only cause so much damage. It's darkness you have to be more worried about... Kaname/Zero


Inner Demons Swirling Inside the Mirror

Author: UltimateYugiohFan~

Pairing: Kaname/Zero

Genre: Angst/Romance

Dedicated to: YenGirl and BlackenedWing for getting me into the Kaname and Zero pairing (I literally love them to death now) and for being such amazing, inspiring writers. Also to Aviditty for also inspiring me and always getting my butt in gear. XD

Okay, so I figured out quite quickly that this story is going to definitely have a prequel. This is just a one-shot but the prequel will be (for once ~gasp~) a multi-chapter. Now, with the prequel, I intend to make Kaname and Zero bonded much like BlackenedWing did. But I'm going to be doing the bond much differently. If you've ever read Vampire Academy (and I highly recommend it) then the bond will be quite like that. So much inspiration equals love. ~heart~ Anyways, I am getting inspiration from not just Vampire Academy but BlackenedWing as well. Her stories are amazing and if you haven't read them, you must. You really must. But I just wanted to let people know that the Kaname/Zero bond I plan on doing will not be like that of BlackenedWing's. I've been into vampire bonds since I found out about VA which was before VK, and I've always wanted to do a story with characters that had a bond like Rose and Lissa did, so…here's that story. 

Sorry for my rambles, please enjoy and constructive criticism would be lovely. R&R~

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight; Matsuri Hino-sama is their beloved creator and I adore her with a fierce passion and thank her for designing such amazing characters that in the end, fit together so beautifully. C: *cough* In case, you couldn't already tell, the hint of my obsession…Kaname and Zero are who I'm referring to.~

_Everything hurt. It hurt to even acknowledge I was hurting. My lungs were burning with an unnamable ache and it took me at least a full minute to grasp the reason why they seemed to have trouble expanding. It was because I wasn't breathing on my own, the ache being from a mixture of the tube down my throat and the need and want for my body to breathe on its own._

_I didn't know where I even was, the blackness creeping around me as I tried to mentally reach out toward Kaname, my eyes trying their best to at least flutter but with no avail. There was no response so it seemed our link had been a bit severed after my accident. How I could even remember I had been in an accident when I couldn't even open my damn eyes was beyond me, but…_

_My mind gave a mental groan as the darkness wrapped its creeping, flowing hands around me, severing the already weak bond between my lungs and the natural air trying to make its way around the tube snaking painfully down my airway._

I give a sigh as the annoying beeping from all the monitors in the room starts to get quiet, meaning Zero was- yet again- in one of his lapses. This had been happening since not long after the doctors had gotten him as stable as they possibly could. His accident had been so…_human_ and yet the results had been horrendously terrible. His body lying lifeless, the crimson of his blood staining his clothes and already battered body and the snow around him…

It had been a _car accident_, of all things to hurt my beloved. Which doesn't even seem believable when it comes to the powerful creatures of the night known as vampires. It actually seems laughable. But the doctors - vampire of course; I would only trust Zero with the best- had said that this type of accident would have slaughtered a human body to the point of degeneration of the actual body upon impact. Zero had been going _that_ fast and so his impact had been _that_ much harder than that of a seemingly normal impact.

They had no clue why I was with an ex-human of all people. They were acting like I had been with a human. Not that any of that mattered to me. The only reason I was glad at the moment that Zero was no longer human like he had been as a child was because he'd have been dead as the accident was happening and then there wouldn't be any more hope left. For me _or_ my world. Zero was my everything. He had been since the day I had decided he was worth saving.

I smiled, though without mirth at the thought. I had also been thinking I didn't know what the heck I was saving him for that day, but obviously now I'm ever glad I did. No one else, not even Yuuki knew how tender Zero could be. How timid he could become if you even gave a smirk that he knew meant you were just _thinking _about sex. His cheeks would flush, making him even more lovely than usual. No…Zero would kill me if he ever knew I used the word _lovely_ to describe him. Precious, maybe? Because he was that as well.

_Damn it, why won't my eyes open? I wanted more than a lot of things at the moment to be able to heave a tired sigh -almost even more than my need for the pain to stop- but all my body would allow me to do was think. And feel pain, but that much had been obvious from the moment the blackness had receded, allowing me to be able to think, though not as clearly as I would have wanted. But then again, I wasn't really getting anything I wanted at the moment, so what did it matter? I couldn't -no matter how hard I tried, which in turn made the pain worse- get Kaname to respond to my mental tugs. I must not have enough power. How the hell am I even able to _think _then?_

_What exactly had happened? I paused in my thoughts, trying to push the unimportant ones out of the way to try and rewind to earlier; to when this had happened, When _had_ this even happened? Today? Last week?_

_That part I was already even more mentally worn out than before trying to remember so I just decided to skip it. I remember…being so lost in my thoughts that I, somewhere along the way, stopped paying attention to my speedometer, meaning that I sure as hell didn't notice when I started getting into dangerous territory by being close to two-hundred miles and hour. Which means that if I had been paying the fuck attention I sure as hell wouldn't be in a mess like this, where I couldn't even get Kaname to respond to me. _

_The impact. Blood. Thinking about those two things alone made the pain intensify more than should have been possible. I felt like my body was breaking apart, my bones and muscles snapping under the strain of all the tension somehow coiled in my lifeless, useless body. How could I have been so stupid? Not even paying attention to the road…I had been riding my motorcycle since I had first gotten my license. I really was useless, wasn't I? How Kaname was able to put up with be was also beyond my mental capacity at this point -not to mention, beyond my wildest dreams as well. _

_Kaname was so perfect. And all I had done was cause this accident which, no doubt was causing him pain. And this accident was even worse than the one I had been in, which was the reason for him creating our bond. The one where I had been fighting quite a big group of level E's. Even when you know they're there, there's always one that will get the one-up on you because your mind had been to preoccupied with the others to notice the disappearance of just one of them…_

_Now, not only was I in immense physical pain, that was unlike anything I had ever felt - the pain I had felt during Shizuka's rough, animalistic bite not even comparing- but now I was in a state of emotional turmoil, wondering how Kaname was fairing, wanting to kick myself for not having the strength to physically or mentally reach our for him…wanting to tell him how truly, deeply sorry I was. But I couldn't…_

My garnet eyes snapped open, becoming increasingly large and owl-like with worry as the level of noise in the room started to increase. Zero's heart and body weren't failing him because of their weak, injured state anymore. Now they were failing him because he was under too much strain, panicking over something that I couldn't see, couldn't sense, because I hadn't been able to brush his mind with worried, gentle fingers yet. I had tried ever since I had felt his end of our bond go quiet, and ever since it had been quiet, Zero's mind had been mute and off-limits to mine.

I went to reach for his hand, not only out of instinct but the physical need to feel close to him, but the doctors quickly swarmed in the room, telling me kindly to step away. No, they could never, not once raise their voices to a pureblood. Only Zero would dare do that. And he wasn't awake to, so with a resigned sigh, I stepped back to be out of the way, making my aura less stormy and more in control so as not to distract them, but my grip on his hand stayed. At this point, it was a lifeline. For both of us.

Why wasn't he getting any better? He had had my blood flowing through him for days now. Granted, the doctors wouldn't allow me to be hooked up to the transfusion line myself but I had still given the blood that had then been transferred to Zero and his battered, blood-craving body. Yet…it didn't seem to be making any difference. And Zero was stubborn, resilient. Why was this taking so long? It had only been two weeks since the accident, but to me it felt like a morbid eternity, almost not worth living through. But I had painstakingly waited it out, knowing that it would most definitely be worth it, that I would be the happiest man on the planet the moment his amethyst eyes fluttered open.

I couldn't stand to watch what the doctors were doing any longer. His heart had just stopped and I swear, as it was continuing stubbornly not to beat, decades making up my lifetime were turning into centuries and just ticking away, like a lost drop of blood not being able to be caught by the lips craving, begging, _pleading_ to devour it. Except I didn't want to take his blood at this point in time. I wanted him to take mine, to take what was already his so that life could flow back into him, allowing him to gain enough strength to open his eyes and blearily glare at me for holding his hand while we were in somewhat of a public place.

That would be so Zero, so uniquely him that it would mean everything was alright and he would soon mend, meaning there was no more need to worry.

My eyes drifted to the mirror on the wall near the doorway, more than likely for patients who wanted to see what they looked like after having a major skin graft surgery or something else along those lines. I looked tired, bags under my eyes, making my skin flawed and imperfect, something a pureblood just wasn't. My eyes themselves were drained of energy and lacking their normal vigor and luster.

Could it be karma or one of those other deadly, not-thought-to-exist forces that had done this? After all, being a pureblood was normal to me. I had been born what I was, whereas Zero had been so cruelly turned. Even a little after our relationship had first started, I could tell that Zero was incredibly wary of me, still thought our kind heartless monsters that just played games with people to get the upper hand, giving them what they wanted in the end.

That wasn't to say a lot of vampires weren't like that because they were, especially purebloods. _I _had been like that as well, only seeing Yuuki and thinking that, ultimately there was no one else left in the world for me to truly care for. Not even my own circle of trusted vampire subordinates. But when Zero had nearly died from that group of level E's and I had gotten to know the boy, the hunter had wormed his way unknowingly into my somewhat frozen heart, thawing it slowly but steadily, allowing me to see there could be more to my lonely, little world than just myself and Yuuki.

Which is why…I couldn't allow this boy, no, this precious being…die. Because it would break me. True, my love with Zero had allowed my views on the world and life to expand but Zero and I still had a world of our own, that only the two of us understood. Without my Zero…that world would be missing a vital piece, one of its halves. Was it truly my fault then? Had I truly been that monster that Zero had once thought I was? And if that were the case, was it somehow the reason for Zero's currently helplessly weak state?

_I inwardly grunted at the strange, strong sensation on my battered and bruised chest. I felt my body recoil sharply, lifting up and then hitting whatever was under me, making my urge to cry out in pain and have everyone hear it increase phenomenally. And then…the strange feeling was over, the only thing now overwhelming me being an odd thumping sound, echoing strongly in my ears. Had my…heart just stopped? Was this going to happen again? I wanted to just curl up in the fetal position and not allow anyone to touch me, the pain was that horrible. And the pain had only grown stronger with - what I now know had been- the force of the defibrillators pushing roughly against my chest. _

_I normally didn't allow a little thing like pain to bother me or affect my will to live, but right now it was doing just that. I was hurting everywhere so badly that it felt as if the devil himself had decided to set my body on fire, the pain working its way from the inside to the out, the flames licking and painfully nipping my normally strong will to survive and tolerate immense pain and drowning them in bouts of smoke, clouding my judgment immediately. The thought of Kaname was the only thing keeping the weak grip I had on my sanity in tact, knowing that even with the pain, as long as I had the pureblood and he was with me, I would be fine. _

_But I still couldn't reach out hard enough to even gently tickle his mind like the odd sensation of a feather being rubbed against your skin. Even if he felt that, he'd know it was me and do everything in his power to respond, but nothing. So, was he even with me at all? The pain flared back up massively, rearing its ugly head and settling its weight back on me with a vengeance. That one moment of calm I had, thinking of Kaname next to me, making me feel safe was now gone, the pain taking its place. Was Kaname even here? Did he even know what had happened? Oh God…what if…what if something had happened to the pureblood as well?_

_Because I wasn't thinking rationally, the thought that he wasn't with me at the time of the accident wasn't occurring to me, making my lungs seem to close up even further, my mangled body resisting the air that my lungs were trying to accept from the ventilator I was hooked up to. If that were the case…if something had happened to Kaname as well…then I should just give up. Life wasn't worth living without that annoying, but lovable twit of a pureblood around. _

_My screwy mind also didn't want to think anything of the fact that Kaname was a _pureblood. _And it takes a lot to fell or even just simply hurt a pureblood, to give them even a scratch that lasts for more than a second at best. At that moment, I began to purposely resist the air the ventilator was trying to feed me, wanting to die just from the simple fact alone that I couldn't feel Kaname so I had no way of knowing whether or not he was okay. Maybe I had done something to hurt him in our relationship and now he was paying for it with his life. I had no way of knowing. Even though I kept quiet about it, hiding it from even Kaname, a part of me did still consider myself a monster. And that part was now tag-teaming with the entity known as pain, both of them ripping my mind apart, making it even harder to think and just not worth the effort, my body too tired to do anything now but give up its fight._

_Thoughts were jumbling together, less and less air making its way into my lungs but suddenly a flare of hope so sudden, so bright, so…_strong_ made its way into my consciousness, embedding a fluffy cloud of calm into me and allowing it to settle over my tired, worn out mind._

"I thought I'd never feel your mind against mine again." _I froze…my heart stopping again, but this time only for a moment before dazedly picking back up again, thumping feverishly, still weakly against my abused ribcage. "Kaname?" The dearly missed voice of the pureblood in my mind made me once again allow the air to work its way through my lungs once more. The pureblood chuckled, though it was weak with strain and the most tired Zero had ever heard him, but it was -more than anything- relieved. _"I thought you were dead at times, Zero, I really did. I'm just so glad…I can feel your mind and hear your thoughts again. And don't you give me any of your usual crap about mental privacy." _I wanted to chuckle at his words, to let him know I was okay and he was right on the mark. But I could only weakly prod his mind with invisible, gentle fingers and I felt his light, tender caresses envelop my mind in response, dulling my pain and making me sigh inwardly with relief. Finally. The worst of the pain was gone -what I had now I could live with…and I knew Kaname was okay…_

_I think we both knew that I would be okay now and would eventually open my eyes, even it took a few more days, but we would have our mental connection and that was enough for now. Although…guiltily, I saw in his mind when he had looked at his reflection in the mirror and absurdly thought my accident had been his fault, when it had clearly been my own and I remembered my own panicked thoughts that maybe he was hurt and somehow it was my fault. I cringed, allowing him to feel it as well. We still had a lot of ground to cover in our relationship. But…we were vampires. We had what would hopefully be a wonderful eternity in store for us. _

_But I still couldn't help but think two things, still allowing Kaname to soothingly nudge my mind and delighting in the fact. One…I was most definitely not going to be riding my motorcycle for a while. Kaname made a clear "mmm" of assent, his tone dangerous, no doubt saying something like, "You even think about it, dear hunter and you'll never be out of my sight or mind again." I would also, when I did get back on my bike, never allow my mind to slip away from knowing how fast I was going. I was still in enough pain, thanks. _

_And two…doing something even remotely simple as opening your eyes could sometimes be quite a bitch. Kaname agreed with a wry, still strained chuckle. Yup…everything was going to be okay, which in retrospect now made me feel embarrassed at how weak I probably now seemed to the pureblood, doubting myself so easily. Kaname gave a slight mental poke, though still gentle, telling me no doubt to "shush". _

_Well, I could be worried about my mental breakdown later. I had Kaname and we could communicate again even if my eyes didn't open as relatively soon as I knew we both wanted…so I was good for now._

Wow…even though this was somewhat short, I still feel it had bunches of detail in it. How do you all think I did?~ Like I said, if you want more info on their bond that I'm getting inspiration from Vampire Academy for, then you'll just have to wait for the prequel. Sorry for those of you who love flashbacks. I was thinking about whether or not to do one but in the end I decided not to because the words were just coming to me and a flashback wasn't included in those words. XD I think I may have made Zero and Kaname act a bit too much like the ones of BlackenedWing's fanfic universe but I give her credit and it was accidental and with love, so…I really hope she doesn't mind. Anyways, hope the title makes sense and the reason why for it and such. I did actually put it in the story but if you still didn't get it, feel free to ask me.

Now, in my other fic, the Kaname/Zero drabbled that was indeed based of BlackenedWing's Blood Moon, I wrote that one of inspirations was "Stay With Me" by Gayle Forman. It's actually "If I Stay." I actually own the book and everything so it was just a mistake that my mind is apparently very keen on making. ^^; But that book was also the inspiration for this story that you just read. Although since I'm talking about the book, to be specific, its sequel was the main inspiration for my drabble. "Where She Went." So go read them, along with BlackenedWing's fics, especially if you're a Zero/Kaname lover. ;W; You won't be disappointed. I think so highly of her so if she ever reads this, I hope my interpretation of Kaname and Zero did her proud.~

But in "If I Stay" there's a girl who gets into a car accident and her spirit wanders around the hospital and she can't find a way to get back inside her body, until she decides that she wants to live. Obviously I didn't do the spirit part, but I really heavily relied on the vampire aspect of VK because of the whole "monster" thing. I did gain inspiration from the girl deciding whether or not she wanted to stay alive, even with the pain she'd be in. So that part was my main inspiration for this fic.

Oh, also, the one thing I am especially worried about is the whole "Zero was that badly injured in a freaking car accident and he's a vampire" thing. I really do think a car accident could be that bad. But I don't really know if that could really happen to a human, the impact being that bad, it literally destroyed the body upon impact. Is it plausible? I think it could be. So give me your thoughts and if you think I could have done better detailing or explaining with anything, please either let me know in a review or a PM.~ Please and thank you.

Finally, you may or may not have noticed that I gained inspiration from BlackenedWing's "When You Wake" but, I swear to God that was unconscious and I didn't realize it until I was halfway done with this story. XD I love you BlackenedWing. ;w; And Sayonara.~ 


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